lazy sleepy heart

he doesn’t like the picture, but i adore the way his hair falls,
he’s got great teeth and a gorgeous smile, and he loves me. 

this is mine and i couldn’t be luckier.

she’s the one who went on vacation for me when i was just a little girl.

she’s the one who said (and continues to say) “suck it up princess” when I wouldn’t want to be at my own birthday parties. so if at any point she feels squirmish about all eyes on her, suck it up princess.

she’s the one who called to cancel dinner plans with friends to take me to the mall because i couldn’t get my contact out of my eye because i was hysterical and the mall closed at 8. and this was earlier this year?

she’s the one who has helped me move to and from toronto 6 different times.

and she’s the one who will probably help me move at least 6 times more in our lives.

she quit smoking for me.

she’s the one who gets me sushi when everyone else is easting steaks.

she’s the one that drives me up the street when i’m just too lazy to walk.

she’s the one who usually feeds my cat and also scoops her poop when we come to visit her house.

she’s the one who proudly displays my thesis on a shelf in her dining room, and it matches the decor—quite conveniently.

she’s the one who helped me uncrust my eyes after my multiple eye surgeries when i would wake up in the middle of the night unable to open them.

she’s the one who motivates me to succeed and tells me how proud she is of me when i’m too hard on myself.

she’s been doing a really good job of being a mom and i’m 23. it’s safe to say she’s lasted a long time and has done well for the both of us.

she breaks her back for me.

she does all of this because she loves me and i don’t often get (or take) the opportunities to say it, I love you to the end. happy birthday, i want you to be happy, i want you to laugh, i want you to live forever, and i want you to have a good time doing it.

_____________________________________
a daughter’s birthday speech to her mother, transcribed later in lieu of mom’s day 2012.

05/23/12

there are so many people standing behind me. right now. and all the time. when i feel as if i’m beginning to fall, or lose my balance,  it’s hard to see them standing there.
i’m not my mother. i don’t have eyes in the back of my head.
i am not my mother yet.
i know who they are, who they are there for, and why they’re there. but the shiny red brick sitting 4 inches from my nose reflects nothing but what it stands for.
a wall.

there are so many people standing behind me at any given time to remind me i am here
and that i am still standing. 

the brick in front of me is shiny and unlike any brick i’ve ever seen.
deceiving me and concealing me
from what i need to see and the same feel of real.

right at this moment there is no one standing behind me.
i can breathe. i can be alone. i can feel sad but not smothered or expected
to dry my tears according to a timeline.

salt water can last forever when it lives inside of you.

it can be comforting to be without people behind you
but until you fall for real, you’ll never know the surprising strength of all their arms
working together to catch you.
individually and collectively.
collectively.

it’s also quite different having people beside you.
in life.
on the bus.
in bed.
in holy hands.
in civil unions.
on shift.

just being beside someone can be better than being alone
or being sandwiched between a lot of people
and a shiny brick wall.

IV/XX/XII
written in the wake of a birthday and a death day and many shed tears.

“he has been a man who slips away, in the way lovers leave chaos, the way thieves leave reduced houses.”

re-reading one of my favorites, The English Patient by M. Ondaatje-also one of my favorites.

streetetiquette:

WATCH NOW..  YES. NOW LIKE RIGHT NOW. lol

theloveapp:

B4 THE NIGHT IS THRU (Official Music Video) 

Director :: Dr. Woo
Director Of Photography : Dr. Woo
Producers: Ali of ANobleSavage & Jesse Boykins III

Produced by Machinedrum
Written By Jesse Boykins III

Jesse Boykins III - Lead

Trae Harris - Lead

Jesse’s Crew::
Sinorice Moss, Joshua Kissi, MeLo - X, James Jean, Marvin Thomas

Trae’s Crew::
Raye 6, Dynasty & Soul of BRZE’, Mara Hruby, Lizzy Okpo of William Okpo, Joanne Petit-Frere

Dancers:
RIP The Ruler, Terry Lovette, Rinaldy Alvarez, Yinka Parris

Bouncers:
Bo Ojo, Alexander Kissi, Ali Of A Noble Savage

Cast:
Boshia Rae Jean, Maria Marmol, Shawnte Alexander
Kenji Summers, Man Hoang, Ouigi Theodore, Travis Gumbs
Saint Loius, Steve O Brown, Joya Nemley, Shareena Weston
Jaree Cox, Kwa Earl, Noelle Wynn, Teshaya Khudan, Damaris Lewis
Monteka Maddox, Kadeem Johnson, Jerry St. Aubin, Toheeb Asharobi

A Noble Savage

“We Are The Reawakening Of The Romantic Movement”

LOVE APPARATUS
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